Wait and Hope

excerpt from my sermon

2008-10-26T21:51:00.001-04:00

There are those who speak of the Love of God as a source of comfort, and there is no doubt that our only comfort is to be found in the Father’s Love. Yet, there is something more to this Love, something horrible. Horrible because this Love sees us for who we really are. To stand in the presence of God’s love is to be stripped of all your defenses. We stand bare before the Father and are forced to see ourselves for who we really are, utterly broken sinners. Our sin is deep and it is dark, not those safe little sins like losing your temper when someone cuts you off or white lies for the sake of keeping the peace. If we take seriously the words from the Sermon on the Mount then we are all at best murders and adulterers. I stand before you as a chief among sinners. My sin is not minor or easily managed. This is a reality I try to forget with greater and greater sophistication the older I get. So I do my best to avoid this Love, to manage the penetrating stare of God, to keep Him at a distance. Yet, this Love of His cannot be managed or ignored. His Love is one that consumes. The mystics understand this is way that the systematic theologians cannot. The mystics know God as one who is relentless and ruthless in His Love. God will not allow anything to stand in me that will separate me from Him so I am consumed by His purifying fire. Love does not leave me broken or in despair. Love heals me and makes me whole, but first love must break me. His Love accepts me in my darkness, but transforms me guiding me into the light …

#@%! Cancer...

2008-09-16T13:14:00.002-04:00

I've found it very hard to be an effective RD the last couple days. My Dad is currently fighting cancer and at the moment seems to be on a down swing. The gravity of this situation is really starting to hit me and it makes it really hard to care about the stupid choices many of my students are currently making. Here is my Dad, fighting desperately for his life while some students that I know are doing things that put there lives in danger. I'm really fighting the apathy I see peeking around the corner. I understand that God works in both of theses situations. And I appreciate that about God. Still it is so tough to swallow. So I pray. I pray for healing and I pray for grace. I pray for peace and I pray for strength. I pray these things for my parents and I pray them for all those who feel despair.

If you want to check our my parent's blog for updates the site is:
http://jimsjubilantjourney.blogspot.com/

why sundays are no fun

2008-09-14T16:20:00.002-04:00

I take notes every Sunday, something I picked up in the E-Free Church. Initially they were a way of paying attention. Now as you can see the doodles are the only thing that keep me from falling asleep. I find myself taking more notes on the preacher and less notes of the sermon. Can anyone out there feel my pain?

jesus loves me this i know

2008-09-14T16:09:00.002-04:00

Recently in my candidacy interview I was asked what I felt I had learned in seminary. Here is the short summary of my answer:
1. God is good
2. Life is hard
Most of my life is spent living between the two, and it is only because of #1 that I can bear #2.

godson's 1st birthday

2008-06-23T22:04:00.003-04:00

O God, you have taught us through your blessed Son that
whoever receives a little child in the name of Christ receives
Christ himself: We give you thanks for the blessing you have
bestowed upon this family in giving them a child. Confirm
their joy by a lively sense of your presence with them, and
give them calm strength and patient wisdom as they seek to
bring this child to love all that is true and noble, just and
pure, lovable and gracious, excellent and admirable,
following the example of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Amen.

Into your hands, O God, we place your child Caleb. Support him
in his successes and in his failures, in his joys and in his
sorrows. As he grows in age, may he grow in grace, and in
the knowledge of his Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.

egypt

2008-04-10T11:06:00.003-04:00

I wrote this is in response to an encounter at work. As I edited it I found myself changing it from a reflection to a theological treatise, trying to smooth it out and make it neat and systematic so I stooped editing. Forgive the errors, but they are there to in order to preserve the original motive for writing.

Just about everyday I end up at the Silk House. Some days I work other I just come to feed my caffeine addiction that ironically started because of my work at the Silk House. Across the street is another business that feeds another kind of addiction, a crack house. A woman, a crack addict and prostitute, can be seen coming and going almost every day. Some days I wonder how different we are, each feeding our addictions. You can tell she was once beautiful, once innocent, but the years have been cruel. Her beauty is nothing more than a faint reflection of what was, and what could have been.
From time to time she stops in to buy a coffee, I find my reaction to her conflicted. As an employee I watch the tip jar and keep and eye out for theft, she has stolen before. As a seminarian I find myself grasping to do something more. That some how the countless hours of study, exegesis, and theology means I have something to offer her. I find myself lost as to what to do. I want her to know she is something more, that God loves her. Yet, I wonder is if these words can be heard through her drug-addled mind.
So I do the only I can. I treat her like any other customer. I ask her what she would like. I try to look her in the eye and ignore the teeth rotted away from the drugs. I wish her a good day when she leaves. Because in these walls I can for a moment offer her the gift of being just like any other customer. We all have addictions and broken hearts, it is just that not all our wounds are so close to the surface. I suppose that my work as a priest will be something like this. That for a few hours I get to remind people that they are something more than their wounds and addictions. We are not defined by what is broken, but by what is healed. That in our darkest places Christ breaks through with hope. With the promise that someday we will be as He see us.
Free of the stain
Free of the curse
Free of the pain
As she leaves I recognize the hollow nature of my wishing her a good day. She is leaving to take drugs that she will later do unspeakable things to pay for. My only response is to pray that someday she will come in like any other customer. That addiction will be broken and childhood wounds healed. That she would encounter a power stronger than her addiction, stronger than any burden from her past. That Jesus would break through and she is made whole. For now I do the only thing I can pour coffee, pray and wish her a good day.

what would luther say?

2008-03-10T10:59:00.002-04:00

a mortal sin?

read here

brian walsh quote

2008-03-05T01:35:00.005-04:00

“The point is that one of the central ways in which we answer the questions, ‘how do we live?’ is by answering the question, 'what are the contours of our hope?’

some quotes from luther

2008-03-04T00:08:00.003-04:00

On sexual intercourse - "It is just as necessary as the fact that I am a man, and more necessary than sleeping and waking, eating and drinking, and emptying the bowels and bladder"

"For example, if I had said, "Emser is a crude ass," and a simple man following the words understood Emser to be a real ass with long ears and four feet, he would be deceived by the letter, since though such veiled words I wanted to indicate that he had a crude and unreasonable mind"

"A poor man, dead in sin and consigned to hell, can hear nothing more comforting than this precious and tender message about Christ; from the bottom of his heart he must laugh and be glad over it, if he believes it true"

the kiss

2008-02-28T01:08:00.001-04:00

why do i like this painting so much? Suggestions

mako fujimura

2008-02-19T00:33:00.003-04:00

"I always felt that art needed to be a bridge between where we are as human beings and the longing we have for home."
- Mako Fujimura

This Too Shall Be Made Right

2007-12-31T13:23:00.000-04:00

On first listen I wasn't too impressed with Derek Webb's latest, The Ringing Bell. Then after a few go-arounds I really started enjoying it. The album is capped off with one of the best songs I've ever heard. It's called "This Too Shall Be Made Right."

people love you the most for the things you hate
and hate you for loving the things that you cannot keep straight
people judge you on a curve
and tell you you’re getting what you deserve
this too shall be made right

children cannot learn when children cannot eat
stack them like lumber when children cannot sleep
children dream of wishing wells
whose waters quench all the fires of Hell
this too shall be made right

the earth and the sky and the sea are all holding their breath
wars and abuses have nature groaning with death
we say we’re just trying to stay alive
but it looks so much more like a way to die
this too shall be made right

there’s a time for peace and there is a time for war
a time to forgive and a time to settle the score
a time for babies to lose their lives
a time for hunger and genocide
this too shall be made right

I don’t know the suffering of people outside my front door
I join the oppressors of those who i choose to ignore
I’m trading comfort for human life
and that’s not just murder it’s suicide
this too shall be made right

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

paste magazine top 10 albums of 2007

2007-12-20T18:39:00.000-04:00

10. Iron & Wine - the shepherds Dog
9. Band of Horses - cease to begin
8. Modest Mouse - we were dead before the ship even sank
7. Wilco - sky blue sky
6. M.I.A - kala
5. Feist - the reminder
4. White Stripes - icky thump
3. Bruce Springsteen - magic
2. Arcade Fire - neon bible
1. The National - boxer

full list of 100 top albums here

comments/corrections?

greatest christmas movie ever

2007-12-14T19:28:00.003-04:00

the title says it all, note these are actual passengers from heathrow airport

here i stand

2007-12-13T08:45:00.001-04:00

1000 journals

2007-12-12T20:19:00.000-04:00

The 1000 Journals Project is an ongoing collaborative experiment attempting to follow 1000 journals throughout their travels. The goal is to provide a method for interaction and shared creativity among friends and strangers.

How it Works:

Those who find the journals add something to them. A story, drawing, photograph, anything really. Then they pass the journal along, to a friend or stranger, and the adventure continues.

To see the journals click here

i grieve for my church

2007-12-11T12:11:00.000-04:00

Gene Robinson wants to be a "June Bride" read the whole article here

Please note the article incorrectly asserts that Robinson left his wife for his current partner. However, there was a significant amount of time between his divorce and when he met his current partner. What this article does help to illustrate is that the ordination of homosexuals is only a symptom of a much deeper disease. The complete and utter rejection of orthodox Christianity for something "new" is why diocese like Pittsburgh feel called to leave the Episcopal Church. The TEC has abandoned the Faith as handed down by the Apostles.

so wrong i do not know where to begin

2007-12-10T18:19:00.000-04:00

"This is a college education I can use," said sophomore Emily Felts 19, as she praised the homemaking curriculum of the Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Forth Worth, Texas (which leads to a bachelor of arts in humanities). Men and women may be equal, the school says, but they have different roles, and for women, that includes "how to set tables, sew buttons and sustain lively dinnertime conversation," or how to use the Internet to track grocery coupons, according to an October dispatch in the Los Angeles Times. Felts said she enjoys the work (expect vacuuming), but it "doesn't matter what I think. It matters what the Bible says."

to see the curriculum click here the website like their theology is a little off so you might have to hit refresh a few times for the page to some up.

when good friends go bad

2007-12-09T15:07:00.000-04:00

Just kidding. At their wedding one could not help but catch a glimpse of the coming Kingdom. For God in His unfailing goodness made these two for each other. Their love points to a God who in His grace gave us the ability to love, even on this side of Eden, so that we could in some small way understand His vast Love for us. Thank you my dear friends.

waiting

2007-12-05T18:37:00.000-04:00

Could we see nothing but the visible world, we should not wait; we should accept our present situation with joy or with grumbling. Our refusal to accept it and to regard our present existence as incapable of harmony, our certainty that there abides in us a secret waiting for what is not, is, however, intelligible in the unseen hope which is ours in God, in Christ, in the Spirit, in the hope by which we are existentially confronted by the the things which are not. We can then, if we understand ourselves alright, be none other than they who wait.....We must, in fact, be servants who wait for the coming of their Lord.
- Barth on Romans

An Open Letter to My Grandfather:

2007-12-03T15:46:00.000-04:00

Hey Pap,

How are you? It feels like we haven’t talked in ages. I miss you. It was good to see you this weekend. It reminded me of all the things I miss about you and all the things I want to say to you. You see, you haven’t been yourself these last couple years. I guess your heart just isn’t up to it. But as I’m starting to see, that’s ok. But if I could talk and have you really listen to me there would be so many things I would want to tell you. I would want to look at you, as a man, and tell you that you are beautiful. I would say that it is not your brokenness that defines you; that the hurt you feel is not the end of your story. I would tell you that you are a good man and that you are very loveable. I would tell you that I love you.

There would be even more that I would want to hear you say. I’d want you to talk about Sonny Liston and Rocky Marciano. I’d like to share a John Wayne film with you and hear you speak of the Korean War. I’ve always loved your stories about the time you spent in France. My heart would leap to hear those stories one more time.

There would also be tons of things I’d like to show you. I would love you to see my strength; I would also love to bare all my weaknesses so that you might see how God works through both of these parts. I’d love for you to meet my new wife. I know that you would fall in love with her just as I have. And what about that other new red-head in our family? Christa is unavoidably loveable. You would see that our family was good. Through all of our craziness and mistakes we really know how to love each other. You would take pride in that. We would thank you.

Still, the greatest thing I would want you to know is the nature of God’s memory. You should know that God has not forgotten you. In the mind of God there is no confusion or decay or emptiness. The Lord does not forget what to say or how to say it. Words do not fall lightly upon the lips of God. The Lord is not forgetful. I would want you to understand that God is Love and that His love is a love that redeems all things. His love for you will not end. I would hope that this thought would wrap around you like a warm blanket.

These are the things I would want to say to you and yet I can’t. So now I wait. I wait and hope. And my hope will not disappoint. For just as I know that you love me even more do I know that I will get the chance to tell you all of these things and so much more. One day we can go for a nice long walk and really understand each other. Our words will come out easy. Even our silence will feel blessed. I look forward to that day Pap. And I pray it comes quickly. Until then, know that you are loved.

advent beer calender day 1

2007-12-02T13:58:00.000-04:00

our priest created an advent beer calender, much better than the candy versions. I will attempted to keep up on posting each beer and perhaps some of my observations

day 1 - otter creek copper ale - good beer, lots of hops, 3 out of 5 (tasters toby and michael)

church and college life

2007-11-30T08:52:00.000-04:00

only 20% of students who attend church regularly before college will attend church at all after two years in college

only 10% of students who identify themselves as Christians attend church regularly while in college (regular church attendance is the single strongest indicator of whether or not a person will maintain their faith commitment after college

These statistics prompt three observations: the church has lost its logic for church attendance by young adults; the typical way the church is seeking to restore its rationale -by becoming more appealing- is counter productive because it does not address the underlying issues; and church attendance is the most important variable for maintaining an ongoing relationship with Jesus while at college. This is a significant personal an institutional problem
- John Seel "Why Bother" Comment Magazine Sept 2007

chapel at geneva

2007-11-28T22:11:00.001-04:00

for those with nothing better to do i have posted the in the links section my chapel sermon at geneva college.

mcghee clan

2007-11-27T19:20:00.000-04:00

On the left in the links section I have posted a short video of the McGhee family Thanksgiving 2007.

thoughts on hope, holy spirit, and what is to come

2007-11-26T18:29:00.000-04:00

For the Christian living hope is not just the past action of Christ or the current work of the Spirit in our life. Both of these things point to something more that is coming. Barth is helpful in understanding the work of Christ and the Holy Spirit has an eschatological dimension to it. Better put eschatology is the foundation of the work of Christ and the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit presence here with is one of promise. The promise is that our state of being will not always be simul peccator et justus, but we are heirs of a coming Kingdom. A Kingdom in which we will live free of our sinful nature and will know only the blessing of Shalom. The Spirit fixes our eyes on the promise of the coming Kingdom. This work of the Holy Spirit manifests itself in the life of the believer in three ways. The first is conscious. The Spirit works in our hearts to change our desires from sinfulness to following God’s Will. The second is gratitude. A deep appreciation and thankfulness for the promises of God and this is the substance of actual obedience. Freed from the fear of wrath our acts of obedience are freely offered or “cheerfully rendered." Finally, we begin to pray a prayer best describe as a sigh or groan. This is the Spirit praying through us moaning and groaning of a world that is broken and needs redemption. Luther describes this prayer as a sigh “Which is barely perceptible to us are what Paul calls the unutterable crying and sighs which fill the heaven and earth." All of creation is crying out for Christ’s return and as the believer is filled with the Holy Spirit, this becomes their prayer.

the poisonwood bible

2007-11-20T23:37:00.000-04:00

Yet we sang in church "Tata Nzolo"! Which means Father in Heaven or Father of Fish Bait depending on just how you sing it, and that pretty much summed up my quandary. I could never work out whether we were to view religion as a life-insurance policy or a life sentence. I can understand a wrathful God who'd just as soon dangle us all from a hook. I can understand a tender, unprejudiced Jesus. But I could never quite feature the two of them living in the same house. You wind up walking on eggshells, never knowing which Tata Nzolo is at home at the moment.
- page 96

a new psalm

2007-11-14T12:17:00.001-04:00

Early in the morning I shall rise
At our local coffee shop We will gather
To read and pray
Speaking loudly of your generous love and grace
A gift so lavish
Yet free
Love that causes my heart to give thanks and praise
My heart is open
Yet strangely my wallet is not
Never
No Never
Shall I tip thee
God Bless!

Spine-less...

2007-11-07T15:08:00.000-04:00

Ahh, interesting to see that the backbone of the "moral majority" has gone the way of its liberal equivalents and has caved to partisan politics, forsaking those vital beliefs they have long held to.

Well done Pat, you have proved what many have been saying all along: the abortion issue is simply your trump card to get Christians on a conservative agenda.

convention

2007-11-04T02:01:00.000-04:00

I was a deputy at the Pittsburgh Diocesan Convention this past weekend. The enormous weight of what we did still weighs heavily on my shoulders, and I am sure I will offer further reflection in the coming weeks. For now I will simply post the link the NY Times article on the convention (note the picture is of a TESM professor and student, click on the title to connect to the article), and leave you with the words of Bishop Duncan from his letter responding to the Presiding Bishop’s threat to depose him as Bishop if he moved forward.

Dear Katharine,

Here I stand. I can do no other. I will neither compromise the Faith once delivered to the saints, nor will I abandon the sheep who elected me to protect them.

Pax et bonum in Christ Jesus our Lord,

+Bob Pittsburgh,

Why I like Michael Scott.

2007-10-21T22:56:00.000-04:00

I've recently become an addict of The Office The Sahara-dry humor, the excruciating awkwardness, the cute pam-jim love story, Dwight...it's a great show. Still, its main appeal lies in the character of Michael Scott (played by the great Steve Carell.) But not for the reason you might think. Michael is pretty ridiculous. He's inadvertently sexist, racist, and homophobic. He's terrible at his job. He is inefficient; most of his time is spent demeaning his employees, quoting movies, talking to Jan, calling everyone to the conference room, etc. He should have been fired a million times over. Still, through all his ignorance Michael Scott gets it. He understands what it means to be human. My favorite glimpse of this is in Season Three when Pam invites the office to her art show. No one shows up and it crushes Pam. After a terrible day, Michael makes it to her show at the last minute. When Michael sees Pam's painting of their office building he is overcome with pride. In this moment we see Michael connect with Pam in such a way that transcends his ignorance and his sexism and his general stupidity. This is what Makes Michael Scott a great character and this is the foundations that gives the show's humor a deeper sense of credibility.

Essentially this is the story of our lives. We live in ignorance, we are terrible at what we do, at who we love, at how we love them, etc. And then, perceivably out of nowhere, we show a glimpse of what it really means to be human. We offer ourselves as grace and as peace and as light. Then, of course, we return to our normal ignorance and whatever "ism" or phobia that happens to be our "M-O." Yet aren't those glimpses of light and of grace and of peace how Christ chose (notice I didn't use "chooses") to define us? I think so. What do you think?

Barth on Christian Hope

2007-10-10T21:48:00.001-04:00

“The Christian hopes as he serves, and as he thus expects provisional and temporal encouragement, equipment, and direction for his service. He expects those feeble lights as lights on his temporal way. And because he expects them in intimation of the great light, he will not sit down waiting for something to come and snatch him away, but will manfully go forward hoping for the concrete help needed to enable him to do so. In this respect, too, Christian existence is existence in movement. Hope takes place in the act of taking the next step. Hope is action, and as such is a genuine hope” (938-939)

to john

2007-10-08T23:33:00.000-04:00

click on title for a great scrubs clip

John's favorite QB

2007-09-30T23:22:00.000-04:00

perhaps the greatest quarterback ever

Jesse Jackson

2007-09-19T12:46:00.001-04:00

This article is the reason Jesse Jackson has absolutely no political credibility...Another very pathetic act on the part of Jackson. Rather than uniting he continually decides to cast himself as one of the most polarizing figures of our time...

Another Meeting

2007-09-16T12:49:00.000-04:00

Interesting article on the plight of the Episcopal Church. More of the same...

Election Fun

2007-09-13T10:19:00.000-04:00

Chris and I were talking about Presidential candidates the other day and it's been on my mind since. Check out Chris' site for the verbal beat-down Ron Paul gave to "Mr. No-Spin" Bill O'Reilly. Aside from the Conservative Neo-Con debate going on with the Repubs these next couple months will be interesting for the political landscape. Over in the Dems camp I'm interested to see what history, if any, will be made. Will a woman be nominate? What about a black man? Or will sneaky Jon Edwards squeak by? Unfortunately, (candidates aside) I just really don't know if America is willing to vote for a woman or black man.

That being said, I am really enjoying all the You Tube coverage of this years elections...good times.

Open minded?

2007-09-09T21:56:00.000-04:00

Disclaimer: I am in no certain terms a political conservative. That being said I am in no way an American political liberal either. I would hope my views would be seen as moderate with that moderation always in motion. I would definitely say that I am theologically conservative, however and my understanding of humanity would definitely fall under orthodoxy.

Once again Liberals are showing their true colors in the American political landscape. The other day my wife and I were at a local coffee shop in downtown Canton. It's a great place, really. Good coffee, good setting, good mood, free WIFI. Anyways, as we are sitting there I'm listening to what is on their radio...National Public Radio. I don't mind NPR in the least bit. But as I'm listening I am once again smacked in the face with the reality that liberals, both political and theological, are perhaps the most racist of our current two-party system.

In this instance two hosts were discussing the current situation in Afghanistan. They were talking about the lawlessness and corruption of drug lords, etc. This was all OK with my discerning ear. I would agree there seems to be a certain sense of chaos spreading throughout Afghanistan. But then it happened, this liberal host showed his apparent superiority. On this day's show they were having Afghanis call in to discuss the current situation in their country. When the first Afghani called and expressed his gratitude towards the American soldiers in his country he was quickly trashed by the hosts. The one host, a Brit, incredulously dismissed this Afghani as not being able to really discern what is happening in his own country. As he explained what he meant his rhetoric was thick with Western superiority. He claimed that Afghanis, as a whole were uneducated and ill-informed with what was happening in their OWN country. When the next caller happened to be a liberal Afghani woman who was educated in Europe and was now living in the US this same host agreed with her notion that American Soldiers should get out of her country immediately.

Now my issue is not over whether an American presence is good for Afghanistan. My issue is that liberals, in general, claim to be open-minded and progressive and yet they demonstrate, time and time again, that they feel they are smarter and more capable that anyone from outside the typical liberal ideology. Another example of this type of racism is in full-force within Episcopal church. Recently, when asked about the decline in membership, the presiding bishop of the Episcopal church, the "Most Rev." Dr. Katharine Jefferts Schori claimed that this was due to the fact that Episcopalians are more educated than other denominations and choose not to have as many kids. What a pompous ass.

Yet this is the rhetoric of liberals. They claim to be tolerant and open minded and yet the moment that someone disagrees with their ideology they jump into attack mode and become militantly intolerant. At least if there are racist trends among conservatives that racism is out in the open, often displayed proudly, for all to see. With Liberals we get racism hidden as a tolerance and open-mindedness.

Agree?
Disagree?
Don't care?

A breath of fresh air...

2007-05-19T01:21:00.001-04:00

As I sit here, late at night in a house half-filled with memories and a city half-blessed with a people struggling for hope I can't help but feel nostalgia for a city that I grew up in, grew to love, grew to hate, and grew to love once more. The truth is, Pittsburgh never gave me much of a chance. Most of my time here was spent scared. This is a city that reminds me of a heartbreak too profound to make sense of alone. It is a city that can choke the breath out of you.

Yet this is also the place where I found love. It is the place where I found renewal. It is the place where I felt grace in such a way that life would never look the same. It is this grace that moves my lungs towards breath. So tonight, as I fall asleep for one of the last times in the place I call home I give thanks for this broken piece of land. I give thanks for its people. I give thanks for its dreams. And because of this place I trust in the reminder that brokenness is not the end of the story.

john wayne gacy jr. part II

2007-04-22T13:56:00.000-04:00

This is part two of a reflection I started back in December 2006. Please see the archives for part one.

And in my best behavior
I am really just like him
Look beneath the floorboards
For the secrets I have hid

Stevens ends his song with a chilling indictment of my condition, of the human condition. In a moment I am broken. The truth cuts deep into me like a two edged sword. I am not just a victim, but a victimizer. Not just the wounded, but I have given wounds. I am just like Gacy. Our symptoms are not the same, but we share the same disease, sin. There are deep and dark places where I hide my secrets hoping no one can see them. Hoping God does not see them.
I think we all fear that the deeper we go into ourselves the more darkness we will find, and there is truth in that fear. However, there is also freedom to be found in those deep and dark places. When I did my step five confession at the monastery I remember joking with friends before I went that they should pray the monk did not punch me half way through my confession. I sat for over an hour with a man I had just met and told him every bad thing I had ever done. I listed all my resentments, all my fears. When it was all said and done he pronounced an absolution, and I was free. I am not sure entirely what happened, but there is something about being known in our worst moments and still being loved that changes us. That frees me to stop running, to just stop and be loved.
In my deepest and darkest places is where I am found by Jesus. It is here that I most experience His love and acceptance because they are the hardest places for me to accept myself. I am loved not as the Swan, but the ugly duckling. I am loved, and that love has the power to transform me. To heal those dark places inside of me. As I left the monastery the monk said to me, “You do not have to be this person anymore.” I do not think he meant that I would no longer sin, or that I would never again commit one of the sins I had listed for him. What he meant was that I no longer needed to be a person who let myself be defined by those things. That something else now defined me, the radical love and acceptance of Christ. This has made all the difference.
What kind of difference? Well, I am not sure I really sin any less. Although, there are patterns that are no longer part of my life, but fundamentally I am still a sinner. In knowing this I am free to love others and myself not as perfect beings, but as one who are loved by the Father. I no longer view myself as better or worse than the people around me. I love people not from a position of above or below them, but with them, along side of them. I no longer try to change them, but instead introduce them to the one who can change them. In the end, I have hope. Not that I am perfect, but that I am loved. I am loved so much that someday He will return and I will live as He now sees me. Free from the curse, no longer stained by sin, a beautiful reflection of His image. The poetic will no longer disguise the ugly, but speak of the beautiful. soli deo gloria.

Passion week prayer

2007-04-05T12:05:00.000-04:00

As we are in the thick of passion week I have found the following reflections by Calvin Seerveld to be a powerful reminder that this week is a call to to repentance, and a call to Pray Psalm 91. The following passages are from a mediation on Jonah 2 and Matthew 12.

...passion week is as good a time as any to hear the Word of the Lord: you must repent!...I'm afraid we may not really believe we need to repent, to stop dead in our tracks and turn around from our sin. I'n not certain we know how to repent as a community. You can't organize it – rend your hearts! not your voices or clothes, said the prophet Joel. ARe we able to fast biblically and humble ourselves for even a week?! to save our skin, like the NInevites did? or, more christianly, to see whether the glory of the Lord could show up more fully on Monday after Easer Sunday? Is there a will to be pliable to the Way of the Lord? - Calvin Seerveld, For God's Sake Run with Joy: Moments in a College Chapel. p 172.

God probably gets sick of our periodic, half-hearted fumblings at repenting. But he did work mightily with the likes of Jonah! building up HIs Rule on the earth. And the Scripture before us this morning is clear: the Lord God Yahweh hears fox-hole and whale-belly and passion-week prayers. You don't have to have your confessional house in order to plead for salvation, for deliverance from the punishing mess you make of your life and the lives of others. Even one's history of tears or of evil doing can be changed by the resurrected Lord! The one thing needful is to be soft to the convicting prod of His Word and then, captivated totally by the self-denying passion to trust His leading, undo the self-sufficiency and vanity that encumbers us. 172.

I don't know about you but being reminded that our pleas for forgiveness are heard by the Lord is like a refreshing glass of water. And it is by way of the cross and repentance (a turning-about) that we experience God's grace.

A Christian Background

2007-04-03T19:19:00.000-04:00

I haven't posted in nearly forever so this may seem a little abrupt but what the heck...

I'm currently in the awkward position of applying for RD jobs all over the country and one of the common requirements is a "christian background." So here is mine (at least most of it). If you don't know me or aren't familiar with my life I apologize for any insincerity in giving out personal info...

When you are nine years old and you lose a father suddenly and violently, you are left with many fears, insecurities, and questions. My father was a struggling alcoholic who eventually committed suicide. The pain and brokenness that became real in that moment forever altered what was, up until that point, a fairly innocent childhood. Yet God has an amazing way of offering His love. Instead of a life defined by the stain of sin, my story ended up being one of grace. God’s grace manifested itself in the restoration of my childhood and the strengthening of my family. When fatherlessness appeared, God sent a true and faithful father to me. When anger and anxiety swelled in my heart, God whispered peace and stillness into my ears. Even my innocence was somehow re-birthed by ways deemed miraculous. Because of this I can say that my childhood is one of hope, not brokenness. I have lived a glimpse of the coming Kingdom. I have dwelt in direct tension of the perverse sin of this world and the all-consuming goodness that was God’s original plan for His people.

It is to this hope of restoration that I choose to cling. Today, I still live in the tension of the “here, but not yet” and continually see the blessedness of God’s grace all around me. It is because of this that I can enter into a career of ministry. It is because I have walked into unbearable pain and have run out with a smile on my lips that I can choose to offer myself to those around me. I offer myself as a fool for Christ; a fool that has seen a truth so profound that hope is the only thing which truly makes sense. It is this hope that I want to carry into a college community full of brokenness. So now, as I look at what God has done and is doing in my life, I feel not only the call but the longing to give faithfully of myself...

presexual marriage

2007-02-22T18:07:00.000-04:00

"When premarital sex no longer scintillates on MTV’s many reality shows, the channel’s think tank has done right to consult its man-bites-dog playbook. There on Page 1 it has found a new way to excite the channel’s base: presexual marriage (click on title for full article)."

This article is another example of a culture that is growing increasingly post-Christian. The author can barely find the words to describe the Christian practice of virginity before marriage coining the phrase "presexual marriage.” The article seems to suggest that if one can be free of the burden to have sex, they are free to make a more thoughtful decision to enter into marriage. Sadly, this author is representative of most Americans who have simply accepted sex and the brokenness that comes with its’ improper practice as normal. As Christians we are charged with the task of declaring our culture's norms as profoundly abnormal; that God has created creational norms that point us to shalom. We offer a view of humans and sexuality that declares the truth of imagio deo.

ash wednesday

2007-02-21T20:32:00.000-04:00

"Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return." This simple phrase, spoken at the imposition of ashes, took on new meaning for me while helping to administer ashes to hospice patients.

christ the king sunday

2007-02-19T15:26:00.001-04:00

Click on title to view a slide show of Christ the King Sunday. It was a significant day of celebration for the small church. We were joined by St Christopher's and representatives from other churches in celebrating a renewed sense of hope for the church.

emergent church 2

2007-02-18T22:04:00.000-04:00

A few months ago John wrote a blog about the emergent church. Like him I am on some level drawn to the emergent church, but there is something about the movement that just seems a little off. What follows is my best attempt to articulate my concern. While the emergent church claims to offer something new, in many ways it is simply a repackaging of the very mainline churches they reject. By this I mean they still preach the same fundamental theology that plagues most evangelical churches: the “law-grace-law” paradigm. Yes, I like the social justice aspect of the emergent church, but it cannot be our identity as Christians. I have heard far too many suggest that the mark of the Christian needs to be what we do. What needs to identify us as Christians is not our actions, but something outside of us. Christians find their identity not in what they do, but what Christ has done. I recognize these are strong words and there is much about the emergent church that is good, but consider what I have said. Any time we present a faith that is not based on Grace alone it is bound to fail the people it seeks to save.

U2 in church.

2007-02-15T09:50:00.000-04:00

I'm a huge (huge) U2 fan. I own every album and know most of the songs by heart. Yet I'm not too sure what I think of this. My main concern with it is the idea of promoting the Millenium Development Goals in a quasi-liturical worship service...raise anyone else's eyebrows?

weird science

2007-02-12T11:18:00.000-04:00

It is fascinating and somewhat terrifying to watch as the Enlightenment experiment turns in on itself. Science which once said they could only describe what is, has assumed the role of prophet in their theory of global warming. It is now the scientist who stands on the street corner with a sandwich board sign declaring the “End is Near.” I am not a scientist, but I recall hearing that science functions best when people are allowed to disagree and challenge established theories. I mean, if you start arguing that one should hold one view on something without be willing to question it, you might be misunderstood as making a religious/faith statement rather than a scientific statement. A recent New York Times article (click on the title link) illustrates the growing tendency of scientists to assume that certain theories (evolution) are absolutes. Question these absolutes and they deny you are a legitimate scientist. Even if you voice the right words in your dissertation, they seem to be concerned if you really believe it in your heart. Correct me if I am wrong, but these scientists and the academy are starting to sound a bit “religious” in their assumptions. I think this is especially important for those of us who are beholden to the gate keepers of the academy in order to be able to do the work to which God has called us.

Why Hello.

2007-01-28T23:25:00.000-04:00

Well since I haven't posted in nearly forever and I seem to have an enormous amount of writer's block lately I figured I would ease into this and show you a picture from my recent trip to the museum so there it is...

One thing I love about the museum is the accessibility of its contents. It's really amazing to stand in front of a Van Gogh or Monet, walk past a Rembrandt, or sit in front of the above painting, Alex Katz's "Autumn." Beauty, but beauty in the timeless, poetic manner of those who seek to create out of nothing.

Then there was my favorite exhibit of the day. It is called "Gritty Brits" and it explores the new architecture of a very "new" London. Very industrial, very concrete, very sublime. Check it out here.

sauce

2007-01-24T16:54:00.001-04:00

Seminary, like most higher education, is very focused on a particular field of study. At TESM that focus is Biblical Theology and pastoral care, and this focus is admittedly better than most seminaries. However, there is more to life, and to my future as a pastor, than this narrow focus. Most people at seminary would affirm this, but the amount of work required by seminary often prohibits you from experiencing other aspects of life. This, I assume, is true for most people in higher education. I write all of this because I realize my posting has been very reflective of a very narrow focus in life, theology, and pastoral care. I plan on expanding that focus a little in the coming months to celebrate God’s multi-dimensional creation. That said here is a simple recipe for a lime dipping sauce. I think I came across it in a cookbook, “Hot, Sour, Salty Sweet”.

1 Lime
Salt and Pepper

Simply squeeze some of the lime juice (1/4 of lime) into a small container and add copious amounts of salt and pepper to taste. It might take a while for you to find the right proportions for your personal taste, but it is well worth the effort. Works well with steak and I believe any form of beef, but I have only tried it with steak.

homer simpson

2007-01-22T10:23:00.000-04:00

Since I received a very thoughtful gift five years ago, my Homer Simpson’s Rubik’s Cube, only two people have ever solved it. The first is a student whose name I cannot remember. The second is our very own Lisa D., who through great perseverance and sacrifice solved the Homer Rubric's Cube. Congratulations Lisa, I am sure only your wedding day will overshadow this accomplishment.

priest as presence

2007-01-15T18:56:00.000-04:00

Sam raised some good questions about my last post and here are some points of clarification. My post was an excerpt from a paper I wrote on the roles of bishops, priests, and deacons. What makes a priest unique among a priesthood of believers has a lot to do with the sacraments (Baptism and Eucharist). The sacraments remind us (a loaded word) of the very foundation of our lives, God’s grace. In living a life of confession the priest’s life becomes another means of pointing their congregants towards the Grace of God. This, of course, is something we all must do, priest or not, but there is a heightened sense of the necessity of priests offering their lives as examples. There is nothing worse than priests serving communion who think it is the congregation, not themselves, who need forgiveness. The context of the priest’s life must point to the truth of the sacraments. This can also be seen the Old Testament when Israel was called a nation of priests, but there were still a group set aside for priesthood. I have provided a link to an article by Phillip Turner who presents some powerful thoughts on the role of the priest (www.anglicancommunioninstitute.org/ articles/2006/print/priest_as_presence.doc).

some thougths on priesthood

2007-01-02T22:17:00.000-04:00

The priest is called to make an offering, not for the salvation of the people, for that offering was made by Christ, but they are to make an offering of themselves; to live their life, all of their life, as an offering to God (Rom 12:1). An offering not just of their gifts and abilities, but also their failures. For in their failures they point those around them to the Gospel. The Gospel that speaks of clay pots, of sinful men who are raised up by Christ for His service and ministry. In allowing the congregation to encounter them in failure they can also point to the grace that sustains them in their weakness. The grace that forgives their failings, that gives them the strength to minister (Harding Sermon 3). They help the congregation encounter God by first encountering Him themselves. By offering themselves not as perfect beings, but as a broken people they allow the light of God to shine through for all to see.

Fujimura On War and the Arts

2006-12-14T15:15:00.000-04:00

Click on this post's title to check out Fujimura's blog and an interesting blurb on the correlation between wartime and the arts. Interesting stuff...

reason to mourn

2006-12-02T12:52:00.000-04:00

I can' t know the hell you love
But I know you've had enough
Some baptize in water some in flames
- Ben Harper" Reason To Mourn" (click on title for lyrics)

When I first heard these Ben Harper lyrics I was immediately reminded of every student I had encountered over the past nine years whose experiences of life had broken them. You can always see the pain in their eyes. Eyes that invite you into a soul that has been battered and broken in ways never intended. There is deadness, a lack of hope, a profound sense of loss. A loss that could not be articulated, but finds its’ roots in a garden where shalom was lost. When flames began to baptize. Harper ends his song with a plea: “Look into my eyes with all your hate and scorn, but please don’t give me a reason to mourn.” Be angry, hate me, but please don’t leave. Do not walk away in despair. But stay here with me, struggle and fight for healing, for hope. How many times have I said this? How many times have they walked away? The lyrics turn on me. I realize this song connects so deeply with me not because it articulates the struggle of doing ministry, but because I, too have been baptized in flames. The years of walking along side of the broken has, in fact, broken me. The hollowed out eyes are mine. There are friends who are pleading with me to not give up, to not give them a reason to mourn. But I am too tired and I want to walk away. I want to walk away because the hope of things unseen is too hard to image when what is seen is so horrifying. The flames have scorched my soul. I can do nothing but cry out in pain. But it is not just my friends who are pleading with me. There is another. A man on a cross who cries out, “It is done.” It is done so you might have hope. Hold on a little longer because I will come back for you. For now I will take all your hate and scorn, all your desperate prayers if that is what will allow you to hold on for just a little more. I baptize with a water that heals the wounds, that restores what is lost. I am coming so wait and hope.

well done john

2006-11-17T13:59:00.000-04:00

In light of John’s call to a life of the poetic here are a few verse from a poem that inspires me titled The Vicar by Winthrop Mackworth Praed. Please tell us about your favorite poems or other work of art in the comments section.

He was was a shrewd and sound divine,
Of loud dissent the mortal terror;
And when by dint of page and line,
He ‘stablished Truth, or startled Error,
The Baptist found him far too deep;
The Deist sigh’s with saving sorrow;
And the lean Levite went to sleep,
And dreamed of tasting pork to-morrow.

His sermons never said or showed
That earth was foul, that heaven is gracious,
Without refreshment on the road
From Jerome or from Anthanasius:
And sure a righteous zeal inspired
The hand and head that penn’d and plann’d them,
For all who understood admired,
And some who did not understand them

Roses and Red and Violets are...

2006-11-15T19:47:00.000-04:00

I’m not a huge fan of written poetry. You will probably never find me sifting through a book of poetry garnering up its infinite wisdom. Still I find myself strongly drawn to that which is poetic; be it literature, music, art, advertising media, clothing, etc. I think this is how we, as humans, have been designed. Certainly the Scriptures seem to lead towards this conclusion. If this is the case then it is easy to see why poetic so important to me. The poetry we are drawn to often mirrors that which we desire; those things which we love. Poetry, in all its forms reflects the loves of our lives. It helps us organize, recite, display, create, act out those things that are dear to our hearts. It helps us remember those things which we love.

We must seek out the poetic in our lives. We must listen to it daily. We must not dare to be boring as my friend Michael justifiably argues against below. We must dare to embrace those things that reflect a love for God’s creation; those things that have a poetic spirit about them. So my prayer is this: those things which are poetic in my life, those things I seek in love, may redeem and be redeemed.

boring

2006-11-14T23:26:00.000-04:00

"You need to dare to be boring." A professor spoke these words to me today. We were discussing a paper of mine which he said was an excellent paper content wise, but he wanted me to state my thesis in the beginning, and start with my strongest argument. My response was that I intentionally put my best part at the end because it made for a better read. That if I made all of my points in the beginning what was the point of reading the whole paper? It is quite boring when authors make their point in the first page and then simply provide evidence for the rest of the work. I wanted to write a paper that led the reader to my conclusion rather than forcing it down their throats. I intentionally left some questions unanswered until the end, because it seemed to be more interesting and gave the reader space to draw their own conclusions. He told me that in academic writing one is required to dare to be boring. This is yet another sign that I am not an academic. It seems to me that writing which only appeals to the mind does not respect the full personhood of the reader. Part of the tragedy of pornography is that it shrinks the sex act to simply a means of self-gratification. It does not respect the full personhood with which sex is meant to interact. Sex becomes a technical act or a performance rather than a relationship. By this standard academic writing is the pornography of literature. There is a focus on technique with little care for nuance or creativity. The concern is one's intellect and little is done to engage the other aspects of the reader. There is no space for mystery, open endings, or the poetic. No wonder the academic world has so little to offer to anyone outside of its temples of reason. No wonder learning in the academy has become so disconnected from life. No wonder so many sermons only interact with the mind of the individual and have little to say to the rest of the person (I suppose I should have started with this sentence as it is my most powerful argument, apologies).

kingdom

2006-11-13T00:40:00.000-04:00

There are no small things in the Kingdom of God. Yet, it seems like every Sunday I listen to the Kingdom being deflated. It is deflated because preachers ask me to take all of my pain and suffering and replace it with a spiritual knowledge of God's love for me. Life hurts, but Jesus loves you. My faith in essence becomes nothing more than a change in mindset, a different way of viewing my circumstances, certainly not a change in those circumstances. My hope is spiritual; having nothing to do with the world I live in. If Christianity offers no material change in the world then it is little more than Buddhism. The problem in believing in a God who says all things matter is that so often life makes a good case that God is only interested in our souls. We live in a world where good people die, relationships are broken, and all of creation is stained by sin. To believe in the Kingdom of God is to be broken by a belief in something to come that is so hard to see in the present. I cry out to God, and He answers with silence. So how do I still believe? To be honest on some days I am not quite sure, but I do. And God is not always as silent as I make Him out to be. There is a creation that still proclaims His glory no matter how stained it is. There is much goodness to be found in friendship, literature, and a good beer. This all seems to point to a Kingdom and a God who are good. If God is good then I can trust His words that He will come and make all things new. I do know my prayers have changed. That now I join with saints through out the ages and cry out, "Lord Jesus come soon, Lord Jesus come soon."

I Couldn't Think of a More Fitting Title for this Blog

2006-11-01T17:34:00.000-04:00

Having recently spoken at my grandfather's funeral, and stared into his grave, the theme of Waiting and Hoping hits close to home. But as I work through the loss of my grandfather The following words of N.T. Wright lend me courage as I grieve his loss and yet attempt to live faithfully.

"Who are We? Resurrection people: a people, that is, formed within the new world which began at Easter and which has embraced us, in the power of the Spirit, in baptism and faith. Where are we? In God's good creation, which is to be restored; in bodies that will be redeemed, though at present they are prone to suffering and decay and will one day die. What's wrong? The work is incomplete: the project which began at Easter (the defeat of sin and death) has not yet been finished. What's the solution? The full and final redemption of the creation, and ourselves with it; this will be accomplished through a fresh act of creative grace when Jesus reappears, and this in turn is anticipated in the present by the work of the Spirit." N.T. Wright The Resurrection of the Son of God page 581.

More words to sustain our waiting

2006-11-01T16:07:00.000-04:00

The following quotes from Calvin Seerveld's little book On Being Human have sustained me in the recent days.

Scripture says that to be human is live in joyful expectation of an everlasting fullness of creaturely glory, rubbing shoulders with the Lord God, our almighty redeeming Creator, on an earth with heavens as marvellous as Paradise...."
The comfort of Revelation 21 is that "the whole world will be fashioned new. A new Jerusalem – the holy city where God is surrounded by laughter and praise, thanksgiving and a just government, holy trade, edifying conversation, wholesome food, ample resources, sinless human activity – the heaven of God's administration will settle upon the earth in full public view, and the Light of the world will radiate completely worldwide, world without end. 94-95

Ecclesiasted 3:15 and Revelation 21:5 proclaim the same truth, one from the underside of human faith in the Lord and other from the vision of history brought to its completion. That truth is that God picks up the pieces, that Jesus Christ makes everything new. So whatever the Lord has done in our lives, is busy doing in our reading a book, in our coming in or going out of a room – whatever God is doing picking up the pieces and making new will last forever. page 96

john wayne gacy jr

2006-11-01T11:53:00.000-04:00

I recently wrote a reflection on a song by Sufjan Stevens about notorious serial killer John Gacy. Here is part 1 of my reflection. You can click on the title of the post to view the lyrics to the song.

Stevens’s song is hauntingly beautiful. His use of poetic language to describes horrific acts of violence only serve to make those acts all the more troubling. The disconnect between what is being said and how it is said forces one to look at Gacy in a new light. Steven’s sees him not just as a monster, but also as someone who had a mother and a father, and who in many ways had a difficult upbringing. He continues to use the phrase “On his best behavior,” to describe Gacy’s actions as if to ask if he was really capable of acting any other way. Can we live without harming others or is there something else deep inside of us that takes us places we cannot avoid? Places where we do evil and despicable things.
“Are you one of them?” Stevens asks are you a victim not just of Gacy, but also of a broken world. The truth is we are all victims. There have been choices made for us we would have never chosen. We have all seen things, and been places we wished we would have never gone. The world is full of brokenness and it touches each one of us. It wounds each one of us. This makes it so easy for me to stop, to give up. To say to God, yes you want me to love my neighbor, but my wounds are too deep. That I will love some, but just not the ones who have hurt me.
When I close myself off to love my wounds can harden me. When I close myself off to love, I close myself to healing. I become cynical, seeing a world in which the only thing one can depend on is getting hurt. The only beauty to be found is in clothing the ugly in the language of the poetic. Beautiful on the outside, but lost on the inside. Horrific things are called beautiful. It is a bleak world, but it certainly seems to be realistic. I have seen it in others. I have seen it in myself. But the song does not end there and neither do I.

All Human Wisdom

2006-10-30T22:26:00.000-04:00

Let me talk briefly about why this blog is named "wait and hope." My favorite novel, The Count of Monte Cristo tells an exciting story of betrayal, revenge, and redemption. These subplots show through clear in the book and especially the movie. Yet I believe that Dumas would have us read it as so much more. The Count of Monte Cristo is really a gospel story. By this I do not mean that if follows some formulaic model of the gospel, rather it truly grasps the idea of living with an eye towards the day when the kingdom will be revealed in its fullness.

In the last few pages, as the story comes to a close, the Count writes a letter. In this letter he tells his friends to live as he has done; accepting grace and relying on love. He ends his letter with these words:

“Live, then, and be happy, beloved children of my heart! and never forget, that until the day when God will deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is contained in these two words, -- ‘Wait and hope.’”

Is that not how we are called to live in the scriptures? We must allow ourselves to be immersed in the gift of grace and then we must cling to the hope found only in Christ. So that is what I choose to do on a daily basis: wait and hope.

Side note:

If anyone else is a COMC nut I’d be more than happy to discuss with someone the description of young Edmond as creation, the betrayal as the fall, prison as the exile, revenge as sin, Haydee as grace, etc.

reason

2006-10-30T18:22:00.000-04:00

As most of you know the Pope’s recent speech on Islam has caused quite a stir. If you have not read it I would recommend doing so. What you may not of heard was that a group of Islamic scholars authored a response. The interesting thing is that they seemed to affirm the Pope’s assertion that reason will be the means to guide us back to a civil society. In many ways they affirm the same natural law ethic. The Pope seems to hint that only a return to natural law and reason will preserve western culture. Natural law theory and its bastard child virtue ethics are all the rage in the academic world and even at places like TESM. My problem with all of this is that the historical attempt to live out natural law and the power of reason created a feudal system that led to the oppression of the common man. Furthermore, I am unsure that virtue ethics deals honestly with human nature. What I mean by this is virtue ethics does nothing to address the sinful nature of man. I do not know about you, but I have never reasoned my way out of sin. I have never reasoned my way into loving someone. Reason has a place at the table, but so does the rest of my being. My problem with the language of reason is that it reduces people to intellectual being, and therefore neglects other ways God has given us to find truth such as emotion. Below are links to both of the speeches. Soli Deo Gloria

http://www.islamicamagazine.com/online-analysis/open-letter-to-his-holiness-pope-benedict-xvi.html

http://www.zenit.org/english/visualizza.phtml?sid=94748

love, love, love

2006-10-28T01:55:00.000-04:00

In writing my first blog entry I will take a cue from the pope’s first public writing and say a few words about love. For all my theological and intellectual sophistication (self professed), I love a good romantic comedy. I often travel to the video store in a hat and sunglasses to rent the latest romantic comedy hoping not to run into any of my more intellectual friends who were probably renting the latest foreign language film. I risk this embarrassment for the sheer joy of that special moment you find in every romantic comedy, the moment where in spite of incredible odds, love wins. The basic structure of every one of these movies involves someone in the midst of dire circumstances doing extraordinary things for the sake of love.
Wisdom is found in loving the things that God’s loves. This means we love His Kingdom. A Kingdom that encompasses all the things of life like family, art, and literature. It is love that will grant us the courage to say in midst of dire circumstances things like art really do matter. Love will give us the courage to live whole lives rather ones of survival or utility. Finally, love allows us to not turn our backs to those who wound and abandon us. In loving and living the Kingdom of God we point people to the God that makes our love possible. This is why a dear mentor of mine said that the choice to love is an act of courage and is of eternal importance. Soli Deo Gloria

Welcome Mike.

2006-10-27T23:10:00.000-04:00

Here on out Mr. Michael McGhee, the golden boy of TESM himself, will be a contributing and editing member of this blog;essentially making this a team blog. I'm sure one or two of you may look forward to reading his posts.

Go over to CULTURE. ISH.
to check out a good discussion on Project (RED) and how that plays out within the consumerist argument.

This is a smoke free blog.

2006-10-26T01:01:00.000-04:00

So today I saw a bumper sticker on a car that read…. Eternity: smoking or non-smoking?

Why is it that smokers are probably one of the most ostracized members of society among Christians? We simply don’t tolerate smokers, especially within the churches. Interesting. Maybe someday I will light one up during a sermon to prove a point…probably not. But seriously, smoking may be bad for you, it may lead to disgusting teeth, and it may make your clothes smell badly but we shouldn't pretend that smokers are some kind of second-class christians.

Running with Ipods.

2006-10-23T20:07:00.000-04:00

My beautiful fiance Leah just ran the Chicago marathon and these are her results. She did a great job, really proud of her.

LEAH J HOEKSTRA | Bib #32414 | BEAVER FALLS, PA - UNITED STATES | Age 21 | F | USA

START

10K

15K

20K

HALF

25K

30K

35K

40K

FINISH

8:05:32 AM CST

0:28:29

0:58:27

1:26:36

1:55:35

2:01:49

2:25:15

2:55:14

3:28:18

3:58:06

4:12:13

TIME

Chip Time: 4:12:13

Clock: 4:18:46

Pace: 9:37

Placement

Overall: 14548

Gender: 4338

Division: 597

Here is an interesting article from Books & Culture on Ipods:
http://www.christianitytoday.com/books/features/bookwk/061023.html

Ipods really are a huge part of our culture. It is pretty interesting to see how many people define a large part of themselves by which Ipod they own...I own a 5th generation 30 gig video. What Ipod (or other mp3 player) do you own. I'd like to know. Leave a comment.

Who is thy neighbor?

2006-10-19T00:46:00.000-04:00

This is just a little blurb I wrote for CULTURE. ISH.

As this years election approaches and the U.S. populations is now over the 300 million mark, the immigration issue has come to the forefront of American political debate. Rather than establish a means for pursuing justice in our immigration policy we have been faced with the polarizing rhetoric of often skewed political motivations. Rather than truth we have panic; hatred instead of compassion. Check out WeAreRacists.com and WeHateGringos.com to see what I mean. As brothers and sisters in Christ we are called to higher motivations; motivations that seek to build the Kingdom of God. In seeking the Kingdom we must ask what justice is, what stewardship should look like, and who “thy neighbor” truly manifests itself as. Is it only American citizens who should fall into the category of neighbor or does the immigrant also deserve to be valued in this nation of ours? These questions must not be answered through fear or political bullying but through the discernment of political wisdom based on love and compassion. Come Election Day a vision of kingdom-building political policies must be your priority if you wish to practice faithful politics for the glory of God. Get motivated, get informed, and get out and vote.

It's interesting to see how we talk about who should and should not be allowed into the U.S. with such dignified anger. Before you label me a liberal hippie know that I do realize that immigration control is a very needed thing. To remain good stewards of this countries resources I realize we must limit who and when someone can enter this country. My real problem with the current debate is that the idea of steward ship is either completely absent or skewed to the point it's no longer about stewardship as much as it's about who's deserving of those resources we hold so dear. What do you think?

But for the Grace...?

2006-10-16T20:47:00.000-04:00

Check this out....you can track America's population. Was on the drudgereport today.

So I'm sitting at work today when one of my co-workers, this young and pretty high school girl said something to me well beyond the limits of risky...My immediate reaction, in all honesty, was to label her a slut and pass her off. (essentially limiting her value to that of a slut and nothing more.) Later on she overheard a conversation I was having about my seminary classes. She then proceeded to ask me about my classes and then she stuck the dagger in my cold, judgemental heart when she said, "I used to be in love with Jesus. But then something happened and now I don't believe in God anymore." something? something. something. something. something. Abuse? Rape? Death? Suicide? Incest? Hatred? Cutting? Pain? Pain.

Through this and many other times of embarassing judgement may I learn to love. love. love. love. love.

The Emergent Church Thinks Jesus is Really Cool. Cool?

2006-10-12T15:19:00.000-04:00

So right now I’m really trying to work out this whole “emergent church” thing that is going around. I see these ministries such as Mars Hill Bible Church (www.mhbcmi.org), XXX Church (www.xxxchurch.com), Mosaic Community (www.mosaic.org), etc. and I can’t help but wonder what good is it? I recently read through Erwin McManus’s (www.erwinmcmanus.com) The Barbarian Way and all I can keep thinking is what good is this “Jesus High” that everyone is getting. What good will the emergent church be in 25 years? I wonder. Much of The Barbarian Way is about living out a fearless life for God. Sure this sounds good in, and of itself but is it really sustainable? Am I not being faithful if I’m not always gung-ho for Jesus? If I don’t feel good about Jesus does that mean I’m not living how I should be? I don’t think this is what we are called to be as Christians. As my friend put it, these emergent church people are simply starting their own form of monasticism, one that focuses completely on experience (this one being internally emotional) and it is not sustainable in the real world. Maybe they think the “real world” is actually a false one and that may be. Yet it is here and now in which we live in. Can we really expect to minister to people of brokenness and then tell them there is this other place where one can keep getting high on Jesus? I would appreciate anyone’s thoughts on this matter. Although I do appreciate the sincerity, the dedication, they fervor, and all the rest that comes along with much of this thinking there must be something worth offering that isn’t about an emotional kick I get from having Jesus in my life. Let me know what you think.

Intolerably Tolerant...

2006-10-10T10:48:00.000-04:00

Check out this interesting form of art from Dr. Thomas Eisner...pretty cool stuff:

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/10/science/10eisn.html

Ok, so I was reading about the latest Barbra Streisand show and how she apparently told someone to "shut the fuck up" when they heckled her for her anti-Bush skit and then she proceeded to give the audience a speech on the values of tolerance. Interesting. This is a reoccurring theme throughout most politically liberal jargon. So often liberals shout messages of tolerance...tolerance for gays, tolerance for the arts, tolerance for Muslims, etc. I think these things in and of themselves are very good and kingdom-building objectives and yet those that preach these messages of tolerance have absolutely NO tolerance for anyone who views the world differently than they do...especially not conservatives. Liberals will not tolerate conservatives. Isn't this a little counter-intuitive to the message they wish to spread. Of course it is. I'm not a big fan of a lot of conservatives either but at least I will give them this: they are completely honest about their lack of tolerance and they don't hide it within a hypocritical, political mantra. So I think it's time for the liberals of this "great" nation to decide what they wish to do: truly live out a life that is tolerant of others or scrap the tolerance motif and settle for a little honesty. Of course neither will happen but I just thought I should throw out that challenge.

And as always, stay classy "Shitsburgh"

2006-10-07T00:30:00.000-04:00

So by now maybe you have heard of Sienna Miller's comment to Rolling Stone about Pittsburgh. If not let me re-cap it for ya...

Sienna Miller is an actress and GF of Jude Law who is currently filming a movie called "The Mysteries of Pittsburgh." In a Rolling Stone interview Mrs. Miller referred to Pittsburgh as "Shitsburgh," citing that there is nothing to do in this town. And so of course Pittsburghers are up in arms over her comment. I thought those that read this blog would appreciate one very fine comment left on the Rolling Stone website about the issue...Wow, this really represents how classy my fine city is:

JET | 10/6/2006, 8:55 pm EST
This idiot alien bitch wannabe actress has illegitimate children with alien actors and she wonders why her life sucks. Don’t blame it on Pittsburgh, go look in the mirror whore. By the way, we hear your illegitimate baby’s nanny is very hot, is she here in Pittsburgh? The producers of your movie should dump your idiot ass, replace your part with your bastard child’s nanny and re-shoot.

So there you have it. I'm not really sure what the alien allusion is all about other than she is a "foreigner" but I'm just glad that someone in Pittsburgh took the time to write out a thoughtful response to a simple, Hollywood opinion. Wow...um, go Steelers?

"Work is dead." - Nietzche (john baldauff)

2006-10-06T18:27:00.000-04:00

At work right now and it's dead...

Thinking a little about Nietzche and his whole "God is Dead" dilemna. Sure it may initially smack of heresy and yet I look at the "G"od that Nietzche is talking about and I say yes, this god is dead, and thank goodness. Now the biggest question I have is this: why am I thinking about this while I'm standing behind the counter at work? I don't know. Does anyone want to hire me in the Beaver Falls area so I don't have to drive (or have my fiance drive me) a half hour to work? Let me know, thanks. I provide daily jokes and/or prophesies.

No Thank You, Israel...

2006-10-06T01:55:00.000-04:00

This is why Israel should be considered a terrorist state:

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/06/world/middleeast/06cluster.html?hp&ex=1160193600&en=7e4e9f554d5fd023&ei=5094&partner=homepage

Cluster bombs...why can we condone the actions of Israel with ease in our consciences? Well perhaps that is because most of "christian" America still believes in some kind of blessed Israel. I'm in the camp believing that Israel failed to be a blessing to the nations...In Jesus, Israel finally became the blessing it was created to be. Now it is those who believe, and live, in the kingdom of Christ that are to act as a blessing to the nations...

Yet even if you "believe" in Israel stil, how can you justify the use of an overt terror tactic. How blinded we have become. Perhaps a Muslim's life is not worth loving; not worth mourning. I pray that we will see justice as justice. Cluster bombs are never just...never.

Lost...In America?

2006-10-05T09:47:00.002-04:00

Lost, once again, was mind-teasing...Such a well-written show and I hope it stays that way...interestingly enough Stephen King, who's books have populated the island, sent a letter to Entertainment Weekly in which he challenges the show's executives to "end" the show once the story is told...even if the ratings are still very high.

http://www.ew.com/ew/article/commentary/0,6115,1100673_3%7C%7C472578%7C0_0_,00.html

I feel that if there is any show that would lend toward this "TV high road" it might be Lost. Who knows.

Anyways, I have been thinking about American patriotism latlely and how I fit into that. I think my question is this: as a Christian, is it ok for me to be patriotic? After all the slavery, wars, inequalities, abortions, lies, etc. can I really be patriotic? I think it's a good question and one that we need to ask ourselves quite often, espescially during election time. Any thoughts?

Rockets Fell From the Skies

2006-10-03T21:00:00.000-04:00

Currently in the midst of putting off writing a paper on Jesus within the Old Testament, I find myself grossly dissapointed, once again, in the toy dept. Today I went looking for an Estes engine-powered rocket to build (need a hobby). When I found the aisle they're in what I found was shockingly dissapointing. No longer must you sand, glue, tape, paint, and assemble the rocket you plan on shooting. Now most of the rockets come already assembled. Even the decails, which always allow some form of artistic interperetation, are already on....It makes me pretty sad to see that our society's small attention span has already directly affected our toy makers.........

At work

2006-09-30T09:18:00.000-04:00

So It's raining, it's early, and I'm at the coffee shop "working." As I drove to work early this morning and it was way cold and I realized that I'm already sick of winter and it's still two and a half months away. My plight is great.

Last night I was over my fiance's house playing some Monopoly with her roomates and I realized that I could be a very good cold-blooded, ruthless businessman. That being said I think there's something to say about the current state of affair in the Boad Game aisle. Walk down any toy store aisle and you will find LIFE, Clue, Candyland, etc. The problem is that you will find all these new DVD board games taking up most of the space. How tragic is this? We can't even play a board game without some type of multimedia. Tragic.

Even more tragic, however, is Christianity Today's latest exhaltation of the modern American evangelical. I'm not suprised at all...it's just more annoying than anything. Have you ever just wanted to completely throw yourself into the "liberal" catagory just to distance yourself from the term evangelical? I do on a daily basis. Ok...here comes a customer. Peace.

A couple more thoughts...

2006-09-29T00:30:00.002-04:00

Interestingly enough some of the same ideas that I talked about in my previous post came up in my Old Testament class at TESM (Trinity School for Ministry). Anyways we were talking about "law as gift" etc. etc. which then transformed (only slightly) into Christian living (or sanctification) and someone brought up the idea of godliness in the OT. He stated that there was no godliness in the OT and then went into his whole idea that there is nothing good about himself or anyone else for that matter. When the professor (a good PCA minister) asked him if he loved his wife this student thought about it for a disturbing few seconds and then came back with a very, very sad answer. He claimed that at no time did he simply love his wife just because she was worth loving and that it was the good thing to do. Whenever he did "love" his wife it was because of selfish motivation/manipulation/false pretense. How sad is this? I find it simply terrible that one can think, and live, in a matter so completely depreciating to the creation of God. Well during coffee break I went up to him and asked him why he is so willing to give so much power to sin. And of course he replied that I was mistaken. I left it at that (simply because when someone tells me I'm wrong I can tend to react in sarcastic anger) and yet I feel that there must be something that should be said. It is incredibly dangerous to give sin too much power. I am of the thinking (obviously) that sin tainted, not destroyed, the goodness within God's creation. While I see evil everyday in a very frightening and powerful way I also see glimpses of goodness (Kingdom) that, if only for an instant, remind me of a world without evil; remind me of shalom. And yet there is a majority of Christianity that lives life under the teachings of, among others, someone who would now be considered bi-polar and manic depressive (Luther, which is perhaps he found himself so pained, tormented, and broken). But anyways I just hope that a true, reformational, biblical theology would form within our churches. And yet I know why that is so hard. I'm guessing (and I bet I'm absolutely right) that this fellow student of mine grew up trying to live a life of law. By this I mean modern American evangelical Christianity. When he obviously failed miserably at this he was left with one conclusion: fall into a denigrated view of one's own humanity. This simply stinks. It's a shame that one can live out life with no vision of the Kingdom here on earth. Any thought’s on this. Anyone see any blatant heresy? If so, let me remind you that this is a blog but I’d appreciate it being pointed out. Thanks. Anyways this is just a bunch of stuff running through my head and I think it matters. I think how we view life/creation/eschatology/law/sanctification/sin/etc. really matters and needs to be worked out on a daily basis. And not just amongst theologians and philosophers. Anyways, thanks for reading. Peace.

What a sucker...

2006-09-26T20:32:00.000-04:00

I don't know about anyone else but I simply cannot wait for the season premier of Lost. I am addicted. First off the show is incredibly well done. The last five mintues of each episode always impresses me. Ok, now I know this may be pathetic but I do also love all the hidden clues, online treasure maps, fake interviews, amazon books, corporate sponsorship, etc. etc. ect....What a great way to mix up and incorporate all levels of media simply so they can make money! Yes, I am a sucker. Anyways I have looked up all the hanso stuff and I was wondering what I needed to do to get paid to make all that stuff up and lead people on random dead ends....that would be sweet.

I've been having an interesting series of discussions with my friend Mike and felt a need to type some of this out. They question we are asking is this: Is there anything inside of us that is worthy to be loved by God? Or is it that we are only loved because that is the grand nature of God and His grace. I am an huge, huge fan of grace and yet I must believe that there is something in me that must be worth loving; something that must not be worthy of grace but something that makes grace worth giving. Sin has stained, not destroyed. If I am to believe this within the creation story I must also be willing to believe this in my own personal story. I understand how deep sin can stain and I know that the blood of Christ can soak deepest into the heart of man. I guess my main question that I ask daily would be is there anything about me that is worth Christ dying for me. This may be a selfish question but I also think it's an honest one. I'd like anyone's thoughts on this...feel free to get back to anytime or in any medium. Thanks. Peace.

Interesting

2006-09-24T22:58:00.000-04:00

Well I just saw the Clinton interview on Fox News tonight and I was a bit suprised at how defensive, almost to the point of paranoia, that President Clinton was. He really got upset when asked if he did enough to try to get Bin Laden. I mean, he almost went off the deep end. It didn't help the that Fox News guy interviewing him kept this smug, pretentious smile on his face...

Anyways, I'm still stuck on this whole "pope apology" thing. My main point of contension with the pope's statements are actually his backtracks. In his quasi-apology Pope Benedict XVI said that he has "great admiration" for muslims all around the world and that they believe in the "one" God (meaing the God of Abraham). Now I think that it is more than appropriate to have respect for Muslims but to claim that the believe in the same "God" as both Christians and Jews is just ludicrous and makes me wonder about his knowledge of the Trinity. If we are to understand that Jesus is the Son of God and also God then how can we claim that a god which does not include the Son and Spirit is the same God which we believe in...we can't. So Pope Benny, I really don't know why you have to succumb to the fears of potential "Islam bashing" by essentially denying who your God is....I don't know, I'm just ranting.

What makes us all superfreaks...

2006-09-22T23:44:00.000-04:00

So I'm sitting here sucking on Halls tropical fruit cough suppressants because I have a killer bad throat and I'm thinking about lots of things. One thing of note that I think I should mention is the suprising primetime TV ratings from Thursday's season premier night. Grey's Anatomy appears to be the big winner taking in 17.1/25 to CSI's 14.9/22. Why is this important? Two reasons: 1. CSI, CSI Miami, CSI New York, and NCIS are all completely overrated shows, the original CSI being the biggest culprit here. 2. Grey's excellent opening night rating's just confirm that America really likes to think about sex and yet is completely afraid to talk about it. When a show comes along that is thoughtful, funny, intelligent, and all about sex Americans will JUMP on it. (I also think a big factor in the GA phenomena has much to do with it's excellent choice of popular music for it's superbly timed soundtrack.) Anyways no one, and I literally mean no one, reads this blog and I am just rambling but I just thought that someone needed to discuss this issue of TV sovereignty. Whenever I get around to reading this post I think I will probably end up agreeing with myself. But for now, keep the peace.

Hello Bloggers....

2006-09-21T11:25:00.000-04:00

Just a test run...